“You didn’t beat me, you ignored the rules of engagement. In a fair fight I would kill you.” ~ Will Turner
“Well that’s not much incentive for me to fight fair, now is it?” ~ Captain Jack Sparrow
I took a decision in my hands and held it like a small sphere. I watched it turn within the glass, wondering which direction I would take. I considered myself in the future, looking back on the choice I made and went down the two roads that led from my two options. How would they have altered my life? Which decision would I be more proud of? The power I held, being in complete control of which path I went down, was both wonderful and overwhelming. One one hand, I could choose the path of desire, of temporary pleasure. On another, I could choose guaranteed clear-mindedness. In fact, I came to realize which path was clearly the better decision. It became obvious which one would lead to happiness. But the idea of being rebellious, dangerous, and mixing two opposite states of mind together was so tempting, it sounded so delicious.
Now I greet two parts of my brain. The rational one, and the impulsive one. Both are arguing, more with each other than with me. I’m just watching. I listen to both arguments. Both have very good points, but the impulsive one appeals to me, seeming more fun. Unfortunately, the rational one is making much more sense long term.
Luckily, I have a superpower. I can solve this debate, if I choose to use it. I have the power of rationalization. Not very impressive, right? Yes, I can always depend on this power to lead me down a bad road, but it’s pretty handy in tricky situations. I can persuade myself into believing the wrong choice is the right one under the specific circumstances. If I can’t disguise it completely, I can give it a twist so that it is at the very least acceptable, excusable, forgivable, understandable, etc.
This time, it’s a bit harder. I’ve been hanging out with my rational brain a bit more lately, and we’re becoming really close. She’s getting a little louder, and I am recognizing her voice first. The annoying thing about her, though, is that it’s impossible for her to be anything but right. I simply can’t argue with her without my impulsive brain. Even if I use my superpower on her in fruitless attempt to prove her wrong, the knowledge of her rightness is always buried within me. I know she’s always fighting for me, on my side, so every time I exercise my superpower, it’s akin to betrayal. Betraying rational brain is betraying myself.
I’m an adult and I know right from wrong. Adults always act like “right” and “wrong” are incredibly complex codes that need be deciphered, but its usually very clear. The difficulty lies with choosing the right, and sacrificing what benefits, however temporary and/or toxic in their rewards, may precede a “wrong” decision. In this way, the human experience is maddeningly enigmatic.
Again I make a blog post that leads on and drops off without solution, but I never claimed to know anything. I’ll admit it now to save everyone time, I have no credibility when it comes to life advice. I have no idea what I’m doing. Truth be told, I suspect that the solutions to problems I write about here are in between the lines. Per the point of this post, I usually know very well what the solution is, but am unwilling to face it. So if I must offer you some advice concluding today’s post, it would be to make the right decision, even when its hard, because based on my experience, its often easier in the long run. The hardest part of a right decision, is making it.